If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
