Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
