everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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