I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
