i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize