I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
We got so high we made milksteak
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
