you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
