i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize