check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
