the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize