I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
