the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
