Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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