My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
