i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
if i died would you start the facebook group?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
