we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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