Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
