he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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