If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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