Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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