So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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