I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Come on in and take your pants off
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