I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize