Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
she looked like the before picture.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
