They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
