i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
