I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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