i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
