i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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