listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
are you so shy because you have an std?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
