Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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