walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I am available for nakedness
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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