Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Found your dick twin last night
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
