I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
