So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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