Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
