Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
