Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
