He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
