Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
