It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
