I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
