I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
