I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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