Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize