We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
