Can i not drive my cunt home
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize