this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
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