why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
