you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
