i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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