I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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