never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
