I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
