i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
