I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
