That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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