I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
