The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Everclear isn't food dammit
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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