Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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