There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize