Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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