I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
