sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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