I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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